It’s almost impossible for me to describe Don Coscarelli’s John Dies At The End without either giving too much away, sounding ridiculous or just confusing the reader. It is a ridiculous film, in the sense that Buckaroo Banzai or Bill & Ted are, a completely batshit, near stream of consciousness horror hoot that somehow just makes sense on its own terms and in it’s own world. It all kicks off when best buds Dave (Chase Williamson) and trouble magnet John (Rob Mayes, pretty much a late 20’s version of Rob Lowe) decide to try a dubious wonder-drug amusingly nicknamed ‘soy sauce’, a narcotic known for its space/time/dimension altering powers, and pretty much a surefire way to descend into hellish but very funny chaos where nothing makes sense and the story takes a dime store turn into bizarre schlock worthy of a Troma special. Among the delightful surprises in store for them are time travel, a meat monster, an ominous rastafarian stranger named Robert Marley (think they’re so clever, don’t they), aliens, dildos that materialize out of nowhere and all kinds of weirdness exploding from a seemingly endless grab bag of retro looking special effects. Poor Dave rushes to find John before they’re hopelessly cornered by the forces of….. whatever lol, aided by his adorable amputee girlfriend (Fabienne Theresse) and a cop named “Detective Morgan Freeman”, who isn’t played by Morgan Freeman, before you ask. Somehow the film finds time for a brief appearance by Clancy Brown, playing some sort of super sonic Ghostbuster crossed with David Blaine (he’s actually great) and an overarching subplot in which Dave recounts all this hullabaloo to a skeptical journalist, played by none other than Paul Giamatti, whose reactions upon eventually coming face to face with the results of soy sauce are priceless. Did I do a good job describing it? Who knows.. I’m not even sure the film itself does a good job of describing it, but it sure has fun trying and I sure did watching it too. If Mystery Science Theatre tried to put on an X Files episode while loaded up on whatever William Hurt took in Altered States, it might look something like this. Director Coscarelli is most famous for Phantasm and Bubba Ho Tep (a personal favorite), so if you’ve seen those then you’ll have some kind of diving board of an idea as to what this one’s all about. Only, here he flips the diving board upside down, throws it into space and abandons any usual drawing board for something that gets pretty off the wall, even for him. I say bring it on.