B Movie Glory: Cat Run 


Cat Run is a useless, needlessly crass and unpleasant piece of pseudo euro-pulp garbage with not a redeeming factor in sight. It tries its best to do the whole assassin mad dash a-lá Smokin Aces and such, but there’s no heart, no discernible frequency to jive with and it ends up so thoroughly dead on arrival that you can feel the lack of pulse simply by watching a hastily cut trailer. The story is a glossy parade of silenced pistols, broad characterizations and graphic genre prototypes that offers nothing fresh, beginning with a murder scandal involving a scumbag politician (Christopher ‘Shooter McGavin’ McDonald) and a high class escort (Paz Vega). This causes subsequent fallout and bloodshed as all kinds of freaks and lowlifes come crawling out of the woodwork. They include two moronic would-be businessmen (Eurotrip’s Scott Mechlowicz and Alphonso McCauley), a mysterious oddball (DJ Hughley) an Eastern European mobster nutjob (always cool to see Karel Rosen) and Helen Bingham, a ferocious assassin played by British thesp Janet McTeer. They’ve made her character excessively, ridiculously arch and violent, hovering so far over the top she flies into orbit. The thing about these low rent, hard boiled, high octane ensemble capers is that you have to have a balance, a flow of all energies involved that stays streamlined and congruent. Smokin Aces had that (its sequel ran on an empty tank, but that’s another story), as a good example of the recipe done right. This one just feels aloof and awkward, nothing to say and no amount of high style to distract us from the lack of proper story. It amazes me that they churned out a sequel this year, which I’ll be avoiding, I think. 

-Nate Hill

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