Tag Archives: Rob Lowe

TNT’s Salem’s Lot

I have not read Stephen King’s Salem’s Lot nor have I seen the 70’s film adaptions but damn I have to say this 2004 TNT miniseries version is one lazy pile of garbage. It’s one of those shows that they released onto DVD as one movie and as such it has a runtime of like three hours not separated by episodes. That length of time seemed empty and devoid of story, they could have just as easily told this in a 90 minute slot, but that’s the least of its issues, really.

Rob Lowe is a weird choice to play an introspective, lone wolf writer who returns back home to a small town under threat from a malevolent force. That’s not to say he’s incapable of more intense work that shirks his pretty boy image, it’s just that someone less flashy and obvious would have made more sense here. He also narrates the thing like he’s casually reading a teleprompter over coffee, I didn’t think anyone would be able to make Stephen King’s rich prose sound like stereo instructions but his inner delivery is flat and soulless. He plays Ben Mears, a disgraced journalist researching domestic trauma in his childhood burg, but discovers something way worse. A spooky old antiques dealer (Donald Sutherland) has some backhanded deal with ancient vampire Kurt Barlow (Rutger Hauer) and is flooding the area with unspeakable evil. This is in amongst a tangled cobweb of stupid subplots, atrocious acting from the no name supporting characters and just an overall murky, lazy, drab feel.

I mainly tracked this down for Hauer, who is reliably fine as the supernatural villain but isn’t given nearly enough screen time and just somehow feels like a cameo, as does Sutherland who hams it up a bit but still can’t raise a pulse for this thing. James Cromwell has enough grit to play vampire slaying preacher Callahan who I fondly remember from the Dark Tower novels. Andre Braugher and Samantha Mathis are not bad as other townsfolk swept up into the incomprehensible threat but the acting pedigree stops right there, they hired some seriously deplorable people for the rest of the roles and at times it’s hard to watch. I will give the music some props though, it’s an atmospheric composition with beautifully eerie lyrics from Lisa Gerrard (Man On Fire, Gladiator) that honestly deserves a way better outlet than this mess. One of the only good things I can say about it is that it has the mid 2000’s cozy late night cable TV feel to it, and I have some mad nostalgia for that but even then it’s kind of my bias and that compliment can’t be accredited to the success of the project itself, which is largely nonexistent. Boring, mumbly, not even remotely scary, overcast and rainy but not even in the cool ambient way, awkward, shitty bargain basement CGI, clunky, about an hour and a half too long, man the list of shit just goes on. Avoid.

-Nate Hill

Broken Lizard’s Super Troopers 2

Broken Lizard’s Super Troopers 2 has the monumental task of being one of those sequels that comes around so far after the fact that it has to do something different than it did the first time around. It does that. It also has to live up to fan expectations without just retreading all the same paths and taking the easy, self derivative route. It also does that, and quite successfully too. I’ll just clear the air: I loved it, I thought it was a fucking blast, and hit all the right notes you’d expect and wish for. It’s different than the first, amping up the rowdy, maniacal tone even further and going for broke, but never exhausting itself or getting too shrill. It’s been a good long while since the first, and the gang has naturally managed to get themselves fired from their Vermont city cop gigs following an incident involving Fred Savage, who I only know as the mole guy from Goldmember. The main event here is the discovery that a small Canadian town is actually on American soil, so the Vermont governor (Wonder Woman) hires crusty Captain O’Hagen (Brian Cox, having as much of not more fun than he did the first round) to rally his troops and oversee the transfer of power, which includes a trio of buffoonish Mounties (Will Sasso, Hayes Mcarthur and Vancouver’s own Tyler Labine), a manic Rob Lowe, sexy Emanuelle Chriqui, a rogue grizzly bear, copious amounts of narcotics, throwbacks to jokes from the first that actually work, endless jabs at the metric system and all manner of… shenanigans. I think us Canadians can get an extra kick out of it seeing ourselves represented in the most hilarious, over the top fashion you can imagine, exaggerated accents and all. The three Mounties have a demented running joke regarding Danny DeVito that had me choking on my beer. Rob Lowe has an inspired gift for comedy and sending up his own image, his casting here was a brilliant move. As for Rabbit, Ramathorn, Foster, O’Hagen, Mac and ever ridiculous Farva, I got both misty eyed and nostalgic seeing them raising hell, causing shit and being the beloved idiots we remember so fondly, back to give us second helpings of their consistently funny, always surprising brand of eclectic humour. There’s a couple priceless cameos in the prologue that I won’t spoil but I’ll say that it was awesome to see ma boy Clifton “Whup ass fajitas” Collins Jr. show up in the Broken Lizard multiverse. It amazes me that they’d even need to crowdfund something by this troupe, because from the first Troopers flick to Beerfest to The Slammin Salmon, these guys are just riotous and some of my favourite comedic filmmakers in action these days, I really hope this skyrockets them to the big leagues once again.

-Nate Hill

Frank’s Thoughts on Mark Pellington’s I MELT WITH YOU 2011

I am a Man

Now I remember

I am divorced

I can’t get hard

I love my wife

I don’t love her

I lie to myself

My mother is dead

I’m rich

I’m a failure

We forget

I am the bread winner

I am married

I am a failure

She left me

I’m under 50

I’m just like my father

I’m nothing like him

I’m over 21

I can fuck

My kids need me

I’m losing my hair

I need glasses

I am afraid

I love you

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     I MELT WITH YOU is one of my absolute top five films of all time.  I have two top five films, one made up of my favorite films, and one made up of the best films that I have seen.  I MELT WITH YOU is in both top fives.  I would like to preface this post by saying that this film is incredibly hard to watch.  It is an in your face, fast burning film that does not pull any punches what-so-ever, and the film takes dark leaps that you don’t think it will.  This is a film, that last time I checked has an 11% on Rotten Tomatoes and was dubbed the worst film of 2011.  That’s all bullshit.  The problem with I MELT WITH YOU is that the director, Mark Pellington (ARLINGTON ROAD, THE MOTHMAN PROPHECIES), uses this film as a mirror, and holds it inches from your face.  What you see in the reflection is real, raw and the unapologetic truth about who we are, and what we hide from others and ourselves.

     I equate the film to being very THE BIG CHILL esq, the plot of the film is about four middle aged friends, Richard (Thomas Jane) who is a “failed” writer and now a high school English teacher, Jonathan (Rob Lowe) a high-end general practitioner who is taking money in exchange for prescriptions, Ron (Jeremy Piven) a fraudulent investment banker, and Tim (Christian McKay) an artist who has lost his soul mate in a crash he caused, and these four have gotten together for a weekend every year since they all graduated college together.  The weekends are loud, drug induced and partying that makes THE WOLF OF WALL STREET look like a PG rated film.

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     The first act of the film is laugh out loud funny, with the four friends partying their ass’ off and reminiscing about old times.  The chemistry the four actors have is absolutely paramount, and looks and feels incredibly genuine and the comradely overflows through the screen, and you feel like one of them, hanging out, taking pills and drinking whiskey.  It’s all fun and games.  A great time.

     There are many messages, themes and realities this film conveys, but at the bottom of all that is the foundation of love.  These men love each other more than anything, it’s a bond that is not easily achieved, and can never be broken.  They love each other, regardless of their individual failures and successes, it doesn’t matter.  The four of them are always there for one another.  Nothing will ever change that.  Nothing will ever change the love and support they have for one another, until it does.

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      The second act of the film takes an incredible, and I mean incredible, dark turn.  Everything in the film is turned upside down, causing the characters to deal with the reality of what happened, and the bigger picture of the reality of a pact they made when they graduated college together.  This causes them to reexamine who they are, what they’ve become, and how far away they are from who they once were.  How they didn’t stay true to themselves, and became hypocrites.

     Richard (Jane) is the realist and the leader of the group.  He was in love once, it didn’t work out, and spent the rest of his life having sex with a vast amount of women.  Richard is the idealist, reminding the rest of the friends who they once were, who they have become, and why they haven’t stayed true to themselves, and each other, and he reinforces the pact they made, signed with their blood.

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     Jane gives his finest performance, and that is saying a lot, from BOOGIE NIGHTS to THE MIST, he is always incredible and has an emotional depth and range to bring any character he plays to life.  Fleshes them out, and makes them real.  Jane’s affability rolls over into his character, where he’s the “cool” high school teacher.  His students like him, and we like him.

     Rob Lowe gives his finest dramatic performance as Jonathan, the broken doctor who set out to help people, make them better, give them hope.  He turns into the biggest hypocrite of all, and sells prescriptions to his wealthy patients, and loses himself, and the oath he took, and somewhere before that, loses his wife and son.  His wife is remarried and their son calls the stepfather Daddy.  Jonathan is a broken man who has lost his way, much like the rest of them, slowly going through life without any progressive momentum.

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     The four actors: Jane, Lowe, Piven and McKay give soul bearing performances.  I can’t think of many ensemble casts that not only provide the best they can be as an actor, but also showing us an incredible emotional range.  This film is truly special, and it is remarkable in every way possible.  I’ve been watching films seriously for the past fifteen years, and there has not been a film that is grounded in reality and as heavy, deep, moving and self reflective as I MELT WITH YOU.  After all this film is about the purest form of love, and these four love each other so much, they stop the world and truly do melt with each other.

This film is available to stream on Netflix and Amazon Prime.